hi everyone! this is my first blog post. yay! :D can't believe it's been just over a year since i joined neocities lol
back then i was drawn to neocities because i wanted an escape from the awful internet created by the major social medias. i wanted to feel in control of my internet habits and find community thru ppl who also have their own personal website. i thought it was gonna be a magical world where i'd be driven by my own passions and the drive to explore the indie web
...unfortunately that didn't work out ^_^;
shortly after i signed up to neocities, i got super distracted by other social media. i was browsing instagram, facebook, and tumblr like, all the time. it was taking so much time and energy away from me that i felt depressed and useless af. it stopped me from making music, going out places, and in general doing things that i like. even tho i knew it was bad for me, i couldn't stop because it was just so easy to keep scrolling on my phone instead of finding something to do when i was bored.
what snapped me out this way of life was this video on youtube by farah, otherwise known as hippiearab. the video basically talked about how social media stops ppl from being alone with their thoughts, and that ppl should spend a small part of each day (like 10 mins) just doing nothing. i gave her suggestion a go and it cleared my mind and motivated me to do so much. also decided to write what i thought about down afterwards so i can reflect on it later. not sure if i'm supposed to, but it felt right. all that being said, i should clarify that i don't agree with her other videos i've seen as she doesn't seem to be cool with queerness or music --two things i absolutely love-- but i'm grateful i came across a video of hers that's good, and i hope has ultimately changed my life for the better
another reason it's taken me ages to start with neocities is because i got hung up on my website looks. i was comparing myself to other ppl's websites. seeing how colourful, maximalist, and creative other sites are made me feel like i wasn't good enough or interesting enough to have my own website. i felt bad that i struggled with html and css even tho i don't have much experience with either and wasn't patient enough to learn thru an online guide, cause my adhd brain refuses to do things in order lol. thankfully i found an awesome template by teppy's layouts and that's what this website is based on. thank you so much teppy :') and in general, i've been deconstructing my low self esteem more and more each day, so i've developed a "who gives a fuck if i'm not good enough? i only get one life so i may as well try shit out" approach to life :D
so yeah, this is it for now. not sure what i'm gonna write about in the future, but i'm happy i've finally started :')